Tuesday, February 27, 2007

Blargh!


I'm a software puke. Appropriate, yes?

This is likely the shortest post you'll ever see here. I tend to get a bit verbose when typing, rambling on, etc. Maybe I should have joined the debate team in high school in order to learn how to make a point succinctly and concisely. Yeah, and maybe I should have developed an internal sense of motivation, busted my butt, and gone on to academic and financial success beyond my wildest dreams. Great idea, in theory, except for one thing.

I love efficiency.

No really, that's the problem. Let me explain. Wait, that would be too much work. Let me summarize. No, still too much work. Let me draw a semi-related parallel, a sort of meta-metaphor, and let all the astute readers draw their own conclusions.

In the spirit of politically-correct naming conventions, I submit that "laziness" should be heretofore designated as "efficiency of work and/or effort". Work ethic? Can't I be ethical without lifting a finger? Procrastination is just a non-computer application of "lazy evaluation" and avoiding "premature optimization". As all us geeks know that premature optimization is the root of all evil (or at least most of it), so by a deft application of faulty logic, my standpoint on work minimization is the noblest of pursuits.

Oh yeah, back to that software puke thing. Being that "software puke" is my current profession, be warned that there is a definite possibility, nay, a near certainty, that there will be more programming-related content here than the average non-geek is comfortable with. If Blogger had some sort of post-classification system, all you poor "normals" would be off the hook, and you could simply filter out all the (hypothetical at this point) mind-numbingly boring rants about programming languages and the like. Unfortunately, I'm not aware of any such feature here (though Blogger's affiliation with Google is promising) (edit: I discovered the label feature immediately after making this post. I'm such a tool). I've been introducing myself to Rails (programming boringness already), so maybe I could code up my own blogging software, but not only am I a Ruby noob, I've got that whole work efficiency issue to work out. The return on investment doesn't seem too high. Especially on a topic (blogging) that I have had absolutely zero involvement with up to this point.

In fact, don't be surprised if I lose interest next month, and this blog withers and dies on the vine, frozen in its current, bland state, like the rest of the cyber-flotsam out there. If so, at least I have the comfort of knowing that my contribution to the blogosphere will be forever coupled with the words "blargh" and "spew". Heartwarming.

This introductory post has already gone on too long. Any attempt to salvage this piece of garbage will just make things worse, so I should wrap things up, ASAP. Remember that verbosity thing? It might be some sort of genetic disease. Curse you father! Screw you too, Gregor Mendel, father of modern genetic theory! Gah, this post just won't die. Maybe I should simply take this post out to the backyard and shoot it in the hea-